Sometimes I like to pretend
that I'm an idiot.
Others will opine that
I do not pretend at all.
I like to speak idiot things,
do idiot things,
spend an entire lifetime
being an idiot.
I found Sauron's ring
in a Cracker Jack box,
and used it to start a fight
at a baseball game.
I tried to steal the lights
off of the top of a police car,
but a cop was inside
and told me to go away.
(I had a hobby once
of stealing blinking lights;
it was the best sex
that I never had.)
I once looked at a stop sign
and let it dictate my behavior.
I was doing something creative,
and I let it tell me to stop.
I looked at my Raspberry Pi
and saw a red, red light,
and took this as a message
to not stop writing this poem.
I like to pretend to be stupid,
and pretend that I'm not pretending.
I can be found sipping coffee
so hot that it burns my mouth.
I once had an idea
for a TV show,
about a surgeon
who's also in a biker gang.
I've been pretending so long,
I don't even know my IQ.
Is it high, is it low,
am I smarter than a crow?
I like to pretend I'm stupid, yes,
I like to pretend I'm an idiot.